Life in 2D/3D

On Sunday I bought a book. It’s the first book I’ve bought in a very long time. I try to avoid buying them, because they’re incredibly expensive and I just can’t justify spending thirty dollars for one night of reading. But it’s been forever since I last bought one and I’ve run out of things to read, so I splurged and bought myself a book.  It’s called “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time”. It’s a book written by a 15 year old boy with Autism. Well, it’s not actually written by an autistic boy, it’s written by an author who pretended that it was being written by a 15 year old autistic boy. And that’s the next best thing, I guess. This isn’t going to be a book review or anything, I just wanted to say that it’s such a good book that I had finished it by Monday morning.

I would also like to mention that as an Aussie who has long watched Eric Bana on shows like “Full Frontal” and “The Eric Bana Show Live” I really can’t bring myself to watch him trying to be a serious actor. And this is what you will get for making him James Bond. I hope you feel ripped off you crazy film-makers.

Last night KJ and i had Indian food for the first time since his giant Vindaspew. It reminded us that since our Friday night dinners together have stopped, we haven't been seeing each other as much as either of us would like.
We had Murg Makhani, Pumpkin Masala & Fish Curry with Vegetable Pulao & Paratha. Sounds impressively Indian, right? I have no idea what it all means, but i like to say the names. It makes me feel like i have a little world-knowledge. I do know that Murg Makhani is Butter Chicken.

It might have been the indian food that caused it, or it might have jsut been some fluke of nature, but last night, for the first time in years, i had a non-lucid dream. I had a nightmare.
It involved all of the people throughout my life that have disliked me, been rude to me, and/or treated me badly. It wasn't a traditional nightmare where i was being chased by soemthing big and bad. In my dream i was trying to go about living my normal life. It was my life as it used to be about 3 years ago. But these people! They wouldn't let me get on with it, they kept having sudden changes of heart, being nice to me and then backstabbing me and leaving me to try and finish massive tasks without their help. They made me feel useless. It ended with me being wrongly arrested for murdering someone. It was a disturbing dream, rather than a frightening one and i woke up feeling helpless and miserable. It's a terrible feeling and it's hard to shake, i can still feel it now, two hours later. I think it was made worse by having no control over my dream.
Maybe I'll have to go and throw something.

Today on the Showtime movie channel, they played a movie that was listed as being an 'erotic comedy'. How can something be erotic and humorous at the same time? I can see it now....Johnny Pornstar & Bimbo VonSlutty are getting it on, they're touching and sweating and licking and...well, you get the picture. Johnny Pornstar tears Bimbo VonSlutty's top off with his teeth, she moans and whispers in his ear "A Priest, a Rabbi and God walk into a bar...".
Or maybe it's a physical comedy (Ha! Physical comedy) and they trip over each other and step on rakes etc. while still making erotic, passionate love.

So I flicked over to the channel briefly while it was on and realised that it was exactly like a romantic comedy, only instead of getting to know each other and taking long walks on the beach and having candelit dinners, they just have sex with as many of their friends and their lovers' friends as they can. It wasn't especialy comdey-ish. Just a lot of coincidences and mildy humorous bad luck. I watched for about 20 minutes or so but i lost track of who had slept with who after a while, so i turned it off.

I feel like i've seen every single movie ever made. It gets very hard to find a good movie to watch when you've seen most of the really good ones. I tend not to rely on recommendations from friends because their ideas of a good movie and my idea of a good movie can often differ. The best example I can think of is "28 Days Later". It came highly recommended by my boss; and it was a good movie, but it was needlessly violent. The eye-gouging part was the bit that tipped it over the edge for me. I watched it to the end anyway. It's only rarely that i will ever not watch a movie in its entirety, regardless of how awful I think it is.
Last week i watched 'Lost in Translation', which I thought was a fantastic film (if a little too long) but I told one of my friends how great it was, and after watching it, they thought it was pointless and boring.
So I guess I'll just have to stick to watching silly Erotic Comedys until i can find something better to watch.

Dear fellow t-bloggers,
Maybe it's just that i'm not particularly cool, or maybe it's because i'm an Aussie that I don't know - but could someone please tell me what the hell the deal is with 'woot'? As in:

"I just ate a packet of Jellybeans and it was great fun! Woot!"

What does it even mean? Does it stand for something or is it just the noise that your foot makes when it slips on the bottom of the bathtub? I haven't decided if i like it yet or not. I may file it into my bag of 'words to use when i oneday have the chance or the charisma', along with  "Bourgeois", "frisson" and "Booyah!"

I was just reading Satorisam's Blog about Illinois & was thinking silly/funny things like "No! He can't move away, i enjoy reading his blog too much!"
It reminded me of a friend of mine, whose dentist told her that she would probably need to get braces. I asked her if she would, and she sighed deeply and, tilting her head thoughtfully to the side, said "Well, I don't really want to. But i suppose i better. I don't want my kids to have crooked teeth."

To this day she doesn't get why i laughed so hard at her.

I was reading the newspaper today & i have come to the conclusion that i live in the whingiest shire in all of Australia. It's because we live on the edge of the bush & the place is full of old angry people and hippies. Since i am neither old nor angry, and because i prefer to shave my armpits & eat junk food, these people irritate me.
There is a woman who writes into the paper every week and complains about all the things that happened in the previous week or so, and informs us that she has lived on her block of land for 46 years and it's not fair that the council are valuing her land and home at almost a million dollars, therefore making her rates extraordinarily high. this woman lives on 10 acres in the middle of a very expensive area that is close to the bush but also close to the city, in a massive house with historical value.
Build a bridge, lady.

I also read through the personals. I love to read the 'Seeking Same' & the '55+' columns. People request some funny things. Like this one:

45 yo Lesbian seeks lesbian 38-48.
Must have no ex-partner problems.

What a strange thing to request! Most people just ask for 'busty woman' or 'slim female'. No ex-partner problems is a little unusual.
I found this one in the 55+ column. It seemed all normal until the last two words...

70+ male seeks 60-70 yo female for friendship.
Walking, movies, eating out, being helpful.

Being helpful?  How do you decide if being helful is one of your favourite past-times? And when you're 70+ years old, what counts as helpful? at that age, wouldn't things like passing you your teeth & finding your slippers for you be helpful? Or do you think he means charity work and de-worming orphans in 3rd world countries?
I often wonder what i would put in my own personal ad, if i were the sort of person who did that.

22 yo F seeking M jellybean eater.
Must like tough cars, good food & bourbon

I think that mostly describes every single male in Australia!

What would you put in yours?

Following badaunt's lead, I've written a one page play. I chose the name John because i think that all stories should have a guy named John & I chose Chanel because I'm watching Australian Idol on TV while i write this, and hers was the first name i heard.

JOHN: How's things?

CHANEL: I feel ugly. Do I look ugly?

JOHN: Um, do i have to answer that?

Chanel ignores him and twirls a loose strand of hair around her finger

CHANEL(whining): Oh god, John, I feel fat and I hate my hair!!
JOHN: Well you could always dye it.

Chanel looks horrified and slaps John hard axcross the face.

CHANEL: I can't beleive you think i'm fat! You're supposed to be my boyfriend, you're not supposed to say things like that!

John rubs his cheek and scowls.

THE END

Ahoy there! Argh me hearties, it's international talk like a pirate day! it's a day for celebratin' t' wonderousness o' bein' able t' talk like a pirate. And aye, wonderousness be a real word, at least, here in t' land o' torrylassness. That's a real word too.

Me brother and i used t' play pirate when we were little. He was me hero. He was older than me by 2 years, and i used t' follow him around like a little puppy dog. He would be t' evil pirate black beard (or somethin' similar) and i would somehow always end up bein' t' prisoner who walked t' plank or got fed t' t' alligators. We watched t' movie 'Hook' every second day, so i'm aye that gave him plenty o' ideas o' how t' be a good evil pirate.
I wonder if other sprogs used t' play games where they were t' bad guys rather than t' good guys? We never played peter pan - it was always pirates.
It's strange t' think aft t' a time when me brother and i played like that. He lives in England now, with his beauty and new born baby. He's all grown up and startin' a family. But i still think o' him as bein' me brother t' little lad, who would make mud pies and steal me imaginery groceries t' make me cry.

I'd like t' encourage everyone t' drink rum (as disgustin' a grog as it is) and celebrate today by talkin' like a pirate. (or bloggin' like a pirate t' be exact). I'll be keelhaulin' someone later just for good measure. Enjoy International Talk Like A Pirate Day! Arghhh..

-Jelly Bones Mary

Word of the day: 'Cryptonaturalist'. I suspect that it's not actually a real word.

I was reading a random blog the other day and i was reminded that it's coming up to "international talk like a pirate day". I'd like to suggest that to get into the spirit of things, we should all blog like pirates on Spetember 19th. To help this move along a little more smoothly, i've given my favourite blog writers pirate names.

Badaunt will be "Stinkin' Kate Blythe"
Satorisam will be "Rancid Bob Kidd"
Audie will be "Pirate Antonia the Off-white"
And i will be "Jelly Bones Mary"

To be honest i think i'd make a terrible pirate. I hate rum. I wash much too frequently for a pirate. And i look terrible in badana-scarf-hat-things. Not to mention that i'd only cut myself if i had a cutlass.

I'm also going for the world record of how many things i can link to in one blog entry. I breifly entertained the idea of linking every single one (and disabling right-click so there couldn't be any of that sneaky "open in new window" business) but that seemed a little excessive. Quality vs. quantity.

Now i've got t' run - renovation rescue be on TV so i be havin' some blubberin' t' do. And don't forget that september 19th be international talk like a pirate day! (if you're not t' sure o' ye pirate speakin' skills, head over here for a wee bit o' help)" Arghhh!!!!

 

I had lots of things to blog about but then i was distracted yet again by the TV. I think i'm what they're talking about when they say that young people have become couch potatoes. Don't blame me. BLAME THE GAY MEN! That Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is such a great show. It cracks me up. They're hilarious. Nasty, but hilarious. Ok. I have a confession to make. Sometimes i cry when i watch it. It's incredibly tragic, but when you see the guy looking all snazzy and he proposes to his girlfriend and she cries from sheer hapiness, how can I not cry too. Other TV shows that i cry at include 'Extreme Makeover', 'Backyard Blitz' and 'Renovation Rescue'. Those last two are particularly tragic. Surely i'm the only person in the world who cries when someone is overjoyed at having their backyard re-done.

Hang on, I'm having blog dejavu - i think i may have blogged about this before. Not about the crying, i'm sure. Really - who would admit something like that twice.

It's 7:30 am on a Sunday. Can someone please explain to me why i'm awake and not sleeping in like everyone else? I'm surprisingly awake, in fact. I'm usually useless on a sunday until i've slept til 1, had a big cup of coffee and a hot breakfast and sat around for a few hours waking myself up. It's even more surprising because i didn't really sleep too well last night. KJ was very talkative in his sleep last night. He was muttering and mumbling away. It's difficult, because i can't tell the difference between him being awake or asleep when he talks like that.
Last night i got out of bed - it was fairly late and the movie i was watching had just finished. KJ had slept through the entire thing. As i stepped out of bed, he sat bolt upright, looked straight at me, looking wide awake and alert and said to me "What have you lost? Is it the velcro that goes on the strip?". We just stared at each other for a moment, and then i couldn't contain myself anymore and i started laughing. I told him to go back to sleep. Then he said to me (sounding slightly annoyed) "Do you know what i'm talking about?". That was the point where i became unsure of whether he was awake or asleep. So i just walked away & he lay back down and fell straight back asleep.

When i asked him in the morning, he couldn't rememeber it, so i will assume that he was talking in his sleep, but it's also quite possible that he was asking a genuine question that i just didn't follow at the time. How are you supposed to tell the difference?

After yesterday's bog, I realised I coul d keep an entire blog about all the crazy stupid things that i dream about every night. But i think that things like dreams are sort of like talking about the weather - it's something that you bring up when something amazingly out of the ordinary happens or when you have nothing else to say.

I also think that i censor a lot of what i put on this blog. If it was a normal diary where i put pen to paper and then hid it away from the world, then i would be more likely to confess everything. I would also be more likely to whinge. Can you have a very personal & honest blog and still have a blog that is enjoyable to read?

I thought i might squeeze in a bit of news before i fall asleep at my keyboard, seeing as how i'm so big on current affairs and all.
It appears that the recently crowned "Miss Universe" is a little less than graceful. And today she had proved again that maybe she made a great "Miss Universe" because in the vast expanse of outerspace there is less to trip over than there is here in Australia.
And in other news, tblog's posting engine needs a spell checker.

Last night I dreamt that I fell in love. It was one of those cozy dreams, where you feel like you’re pushed right up against other people all the time – there is no background, no surroundings – it was an environment barren dream. It was a dream only about people and the feelings I had for them. In this case, it was a strange love-dream, because I had fallen in love with a man, and while I felt that we were meant to be together & while I couldn’t let him go for a second, I felt guilt, because in this dream, I knew that I was supposed to be loving KJ, not this stranger. I was sad, because in dream-land, I knew that I had loved KJ, but now I loved someone else, and we were more perfect for each other than KJ and I could ever be. It was disturbing. Disturbing to feel such strong emotions, but especially disturbing because as I have mentioned on Badaunt’s blog recently, all my dreams are lucid dreams. I knew that I was dreaming, I knew that this wasn’t real love and that the way I felt about KJ hadn’t changed in real life – and yet I couldn’t shake this feeling of guilt that I had for loving someone else. Not to mention that the man I was in love with bore a striking resemblance to the not so dream-worthy John Foreman of Australian Idol fame. He wasn’t actually John Foreman in my dream, but he looked exactly like John.

When I woke up I couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt. I felt bad all day. What I’m wondering is whether I felt guilty because I was dreaming about loving someone else, and whatever part of me that is conscious enough to realize I’m dreaming knew that it was wrong;  or whether I felt guilty because in my dream I had loved KJ previously and now loved someone else.

I am going to be lazy and not blog about my weekend today. I've been incredibly lazy lately. So to pretend like i'm not being lazy, i'm going to leave writing my blog up to all you tblog readers out there. Of course this means we'll have to write the whole blog in comments, but i can't have everything, i guess.

Just to prove i'm not being completely lazy, i'll even write the first part for you. You can just take it from there. Really. Seriously - it's a good idea. Instead of reading about a whole lot of things that might potentially bore you, you can make today's blogging worthwhile by being an active participant. Interactive blogging. sounds like fun, doesn't it? You'll never know until you try...

Enough talk. On with the blogging...

I'm going to be an Aunty soon! Any moment now! I'm so excited. It's a bit sad that my first neice will be born in another country and that i probably won't get to meet her until she's at least 1 year old, but I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNT!!!
My brothers girlfriend went into labour about 2 hours ago. This is her first child, and our first neice/granddaughter. I'm going to send flowers.

it's been a very baby-making sort of week this week. That's not to say that i've been making babies, but it's soemthing that has been on everyone's minds. Satorisam has posted a very honest & brave (he has photos!) blog about his trip to "The 17th Floor". KJ and I had a very emotional conversation about me not wanting children and how important it was to him. Now I'm going to be an Aunt!

I'm going to be away for the weekend, so i won't be blogging again until moday (or maybe sunday night). I wish i had more time to write now, but i've already spent more time than i have writing this entry. I'm so damn busy. And I'm going to be an Aunty!